I am very comfortable in my own company. I have a few friends with whom I socialise with on a not-so-regular basis. My husband is my best friend. My home is my comfort zone, my little sanctuary. I stay home and enjoy my own and my family’s company almost ALL the time.
Don’t get me wrong, we go out, usually to a friends or family members house for a barbeque or for an event and we have held such gatherings in our home. This has been the norm for some time, having little children it has, for the most part, been easier to stay home than to venture out around naps, cranky time and toilet stops.
But now that my youngest Bubba has turned 4 and next year heading to school (prep), he is becoming a lot more independent, outings are less complicated and this Mumma has realised that she has been living in her little comfort zone for too long.
A little while ago, a discussion was had on my facebook page when I posted that I felt very alone amongst the other School Mums who seemed to be effortlessly chatting away to each other. Turns out there are many of us who just can’t seem to converse easily with the other School Mums and even find it quite intimidating considering the little clicks that seem to form.
It may well be just that group of woman that hang around on that particular afternoon as there are a few School Mums that I do regularly small talk with and say Hello/wave as drive past. It could very well be me and my uncomfortableness, feeling that whatever I say will come out wrong or that I don’t have much interesting to say.
Recently, I was introduced to a friend of a friend online and after chatting, we came to the realisation that we have children not only at the same school but all within a year or two of each other! With our youngest boys heading off to Prep together next year, she kindly invited both my son and I along with a couple of her girlfriends (who also have boys that will be in Prep with them next year) for a ‘date’ at a Playcentre.
Naturally, fear struck. I had only spoken briefly, mostly online, to her and didn’t know the other ladies at all.
This is where the deliberation sets in. What if I have nothing to say? It is going to feel really awkward. Stomach is doing somersaults (and not the good kind) at just the mere thought of it! I would normally talk myself out of it and choose to stay home, remaining in my little comfort zone.
Something changed. Sure all the horrible scenarios played in my head and the stomach somersaulted beyond belief BUT this time, I basically told myself to ‘SHUT UP!’
If the worst were to happen, would it really be that bad?
What did I have to lose?
More importantly, what could I GAIN from this experience?
So I pushed that negative nancy aside, packed up my Bubba Boy and we headed off to that Playcentre.
Sure, it was a little awkward. Sure, I was like a nervous wreck for the first little while.
But you know what? I don’t think once I said something that was terribly silly or had much of a struggle to find something to say at all. I could do it and I did do it!
What did I lose? NOTHING
What did I gain? A previously unfounded confidence, mental stimulation through adult conversation face-to-face and a familiarity with more School Mums.
Bubba Boy had a blast – promptly falling asleep on the drive home and you know the best thing? They suggested we make it a regular monthly date.
So there you go. Step out of that Comfort Zone once in a while, Get on with IT already and gain from it! What have you got to lose?
Linking Up With
Good on you! I really hate the clicks at school – and most afternoons, if I arrive ‘late’ (still a good 10 minutes before the bell), I will normally stand alone instead of joining in with the groups. Asking yourself what can you gain is a great perspective to have. I love my comfort zone too and fear looking/sounding stupid. But at the end of the day, we’ve just got to keep taking little steps and think about what’s best for us. So glad you made some new connections too.
Got to keep taking little steps, so true Debbie
My son has been going to kindy for almost 3 years and I have only made 1 mum-friend and that’s b/c it turned out she is married to a guy I did 14 years of kind/school with! Small world! I’ve just now met a couple of mums at my son’s “new” (last 8 months) school and that’s because our sons are best friends and we finally had a chance to meet. But the beginning stages are awkward until you find some common ground and eventually you will all feel more comfortable and open up more. The hardest step has been taken! I’m so glad you pushed yourself out of your comfort zone and went! Stopping by from bbeingcool’s Team Friday.
It really is a small world, turns out one of the ladies I had never met before lives on the same road as me, only 15 or so houses up!! Yes, the hardest step has been taken so the rest have got to be better from here
Linking in from bbeingcool – I read your post and was nodding my head the whole way through !! My daughter is 20 and when she left school we knew no parents !!! My husband is m best friend and we would rather talk to each other than meet new people – it’s so hard when you are shy.
Have a fantastic weekend and take care !
Me
I too am shy, I lack the confidence when face-to-face with new people. I think this date may have been softened by the few prior online conversations and the welcoming personality of this woman. I wish I could be like that and you know what I am no longer going to wish my life away, I am going to go out there and ‘be’ the woman I wish I could be, slowly but surely.
Thanks for stopping by and a fantastic weekend to you too
I know where you are coming from! My best friend had a little boy in my daughter’s class, so she and I would just stick to ourselves. But, then my best friend moved away and I have missed the boat on new friendships with that group of mums. Just this week I have decided I need to get to know them better – which may involve some play dates or something. Eeep! I am very nervous – but – I can do it.
Thanks for this post, so great that you took a risk and gained something. Love that!
#teamfriday needs posts like this, thanks so much!
I totally get the ‘miss the boat on new relationships’ As my older two are well into school (eldest in year 6) and am only just in the last year or so really conversing past the hello with a lot of those parents, not too much but a little.
If I did it, you certainly can! Best of luck
Hello, love the title and notion of this blog. I’m a reformed perfectionist and have become pretty comfy with being slapdash – it’s good! We’ve been so lucky in that our kids have all gone to a very tiny and very friendly little school. When my eldest was little there were only 13 kids in the class and we got to know everybody quite effortlessly. I’m a chatty person and funnily enough, sometimes I feel nervous around shy and quiet people… why is that??
Hi, I hope to get to that point where I am comfy with being slapdash, it’s great to hear a perfectionist can get there! I have often wondered about the outgoing people and if they feel the awkwardness/nervousness of the shy, quiet one. I think you are just picking up on the vibes they are giving out.
So glad to read you went out of your comfort zone – the only way to gain that comfort level at school is to put yourself out there. I am often standing on my own but push myself to chat to moms i don’t know well as often as possible (and bring my phone just in case so i have something to do if alone LOL)
It really is a matter of pushing myself Deb, it can be sooo hard but the results are well worth it .. oh and I always have my phone on hand
I picked up my cousin’s kids a couple of times and was surprised that no one talked to anyone outside of their groups. Me being me {and being temporary helped too, I think} I just wandered over and said hello to anyone who would listen, chatted and asked about their kids. They probably laughed their butts off at me later, but who cares, I wasn’t there to see them.
A great post. xo
Oh Melissa, it is sooo clicky amongst school Mums, it’s like being back at school one’s self! Haha, I can just picture you doing that, if I could just have some of your confidence please